ironically sometimes silence means everyhing you need to know

para bang kailangan mong basahin ang ibang mensaheng kanyang pinaparating

siguro yung ang matagal mo ng gustong sabihen at hinde lang ako marunong makiaramdam

o talaganag hindi pa lang ako handang tangapin ang mga bagay bagay

haay naku tama na nga etong kalokohang ito.

masakit isipin, nakakalungkot, nakakapanghinayang

pero ako naman ang unang may gusto. ako naman ang unang umayaw, dapat ko lang matutuhang tangapin ang kinahihinatnan nang aking mga desisyon.

dapat kong tangapin...

dapat kong matutunang tangapin

----
madameng mga bagay ang masyadong eksaheradong tingan ng nga tao.

may mga bagay naman na inaakalang madali ngunit sgad sa butong pagod pala ang kahihitnan kapag iyon ay iyo ng hinarap

madamdamin kong hinarap ang mga nakalipas na buwan.

at alam kong marame din akong napag sa walang bahala...

madame na akong kailangan baguhen dapat simulan at dapat ng tapusen.

at sa ma oras na ito nagsisimula ako and i feel better.

silence was

If You Forget Me

by pablo neruda

I want you to know one thing. You know how this is: if I look at the crystal moon, at the red branch of the slow autumn at my window, if I touch near the fire the impalpable ash or the wrinkled body of the log, everything carries me to you, as if everything that exists, aromas, light, metals, were little boats that sail toward those isles of yours that wait for me. Well, now, if little by little you stop loving me I shall stop loving you little by little. If suddenly you forget me do not look for me, for I shall already have forgotten you. If you think it long and mad, the wind of banners that passes through my life, and you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots, remember that on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms and my roots will set off to seek another land. But if each day, each hour, you feel that you are destined for me with implacable sweetness, if each day a flower climbs up to your lips to seek me, ah my love, ah my own, in me all that fire is repeated, in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten, my love feeds on your love, beloved, and as long as you live it will be in your arms without leaving mine.

hei

hinde pa tapos ang duty ko
i need to study about pneumonia
iknow nothing about the patient
ang hirap namn nito

sana ok na

pagod na ako
i still have 3 data bases to finish

i'm tired

i am lonely

i am a bit depressed siguro kc sobrang pagod hinde ko na magawa ang mga dapat ko magawa

mag vitamins kaya ako?


haaay

hopefully this day ends nicely

no regrets

i'm happy

i'm not angry. nor i don't despise you. i'm hurting but yet i'm happy everything turn out well.

i'm happy you were able to make it easy for me.

you don't have to say it, but i understand perfectly what you meant.

i don't need to hear the exact words but i still want us to talk. para naman at least bago matapos ang lahat we had at least one sensible conversation.

i miss you. i will miss you.

take your time to think. i'll take my time moving on.

this is not a good feeling. not a good state. but better than hanging somewhere.

i don't feel anything bad for you. i don't have anything bad for you

i only wish we will continue to be friends. i know we will.with the way our text conversations were going yesterday night.

til next time.

enough about the asking

my cousins have been telling me things about you

things like you were always asking about me, how am i doing

things like that.

from those things i know were are back to stage zero.

or maybe there is nothing , as in really nothing to be hopeful for

for you may only have the courage to ask about me but never have the enough courage for us to talk about what happened, nor confront me about what happened

or maybe i still like you that is why i want to disillusion myself in believing you will run after me after what happened

but in reality you will not come after me for you already got tired. you realize i'm not the "one".

there is nothing to hopeful for. for you are just a guy, who got tired of what we have and silence was your way out of everything

and i have to understand that no matte5r how hurtful it might be.

maybe i'm still hurt. i don't know. i'm not crying any more. but still there were those lonely times aggravated by seeing happy couples in my environment.

lonely times that were so bagay to the lonely weather (oh how so cono this statement)

no more waiting. do whatever you wanted to do. i'll live my life the way i need to live it.

thanks but no thanks