maligayang pasko sa lahat!
masaya ang pasko!
na kumpleto ko ang simbang gabe, yun nga ang out of the 9 masses, 3 du eh na late ako. di bale bawe na lang ako next time.
masayang simulan ang araw ng pagsisimba, ang ganda kc minsan ng sermon ng pari. hindi masyado toxic minsan parang sobrang applicable sa buhay hehehe
gusto ko lang masaya ako. hinde cia yung masyadong mind rockin hapiness, na tumatalon ka sa tuwa...
pero nandoon yung peace of mind
masaya lang. walang masyadong mabigat na dahilan. basta masaya!
thank you!
Monday, December 26, 2005
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
sakto!
"if pain must come, let it come now. For i have a life to live and i need to live it the best way possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then i will either wait for him or forget him.
Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering."
- By the river piedra i sat down and wept, Paolo Coelho
Astig. Damang-dama ko.
Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering."
- By the river piedra i sat down and wept, Paolo Coelho
Astig. Damang-dama ko.
case conferrence ko bukas
kinakain ako ang ng kaba at takot para bukas.
ewan ko ba.
kaya ko ito. kaya ko. kahet parang nararamdaman kong kukutyain ako. kahet alam kong ipapahiya kame.
bahala na. basta gagawen ko
ewan ko ba.
kaya ko ito. kaya ko. kahet parang nararamdaman kong kukutyain ako. kahet alam kong ipapahiya kame.
bahala na. basta gagawen ko
Sunday, December 04, 2005
may kakaibang lungkot ang bumabalot sa akin
hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit ambigat ng feeling ko ngayon,
gusto ko isipeng hormonal ang problema ko pero parang hinde
ewan.
kakainis. andameng dapat gawen, tapusen, at isa ayos sa buhay ko
but i don't know where to start, i don't know which task should i do first.
burn out cguro ako.
tamad, natatamad, nayayamot.
bahala na bukas!
gusto ko isipeng hormonal ang problema ko pero parang hinde
ewan.
kakainis. andameng dapat gawen, tapusen, at isa ayos sa buhay ko
but i don't know where to start, i don't know which task should i do first.
burn out cguro ako.
tamad, natatamad, nayayamot.
bahala na bukas!
Thursday, December 01, 2005
ang eraserheads, si st. jude at si dr. a
nung isang araw galeng ako ng UP theater para panoorin ang album launching ng ultraelectromagnetic jam, eto yung album na compilations ng mga songs ng eheads pero iba't ibang banda ang kumunta. ASTIG! nakita ko pa c marcus at buddy. C buddy parang hinde tumatanda,ganun paren ang itsura.
ang galeng ng eheads, sobrang kakaiba ang impact nila sa music industry kc parang legend na cla. sayang nga lang at kinailangan nilang mag divorce.
ang naitura lang sa akin ng experience ng eraserheads eh ang importansya ng bakasyon at breaks.
sa buhay hinde ka pedeng sabak lang ng sabak. kailangan may mga panahon kang nagpapahinga, namumuhay ng walang problema. kc kung puro trabaho...masasayang ang buhay. mahihirapan ka ng mag-adjust sa paligid mo dahel na ren siguro sa stress, pressure, sa pagod at ka toxican.
hala! pano kaya yun, pag pinalad akong maging clerk..wala na akong baksyon. every other day na 36 hours duty....kayanin ko kaya yun. bahala na. ang hirap naman nun. ang toxic.
si. st. jude.
kanina nag mass ulet ako sa st. jude. cia yung patrion for the hopeless cases. bakit hopeless na ba ako? hahaha hopelessly inlove!
pucha kung sa sakto guy, hinde na suko na ko. kahit ata si st. jude di kaya ayusen yun. hanap na ako iba. hehehe
seriously, nag simba ako kay st. jude kc feeling ko kailangan ko ng huminge ng special divine intervention para mag patuloy ako sa landas na tinatahak ko. ang hirap kc eh. nakaka bobo actually mas nakakatanga kc pinagmumukha kang tanga ng paligid mo. parang andame ko pang kailangan malaman at maintindihan para maging karapat dapt sa buhay na to.. ang serious! hahaha basta prayer na lang kakampi ko.
at si dr. a
bukas ma meet ko ulet cia. umiyak ako dahel sa kanya. at sanan hinde na maulet iyon. ang hirap. ewan.
bye for now.
ang galeng ng eheads, sobrang kakaiba ang impact nila sa music industry kc parang legend na cla. sayang nga lang at kinailangan nilang mag divorce.
ang naitura lang sa akin ng experience ng eraserheads eh ang importansya ng bakasyon at breaks.
sa buhay hinde ka pedeng sabak lang ng sabak. kailangan may mga panahon kang nagpapahinga, namumuhay ng walang problema. kc kung puro trabaho...masasayang ang buhay. mahihirapan ka ng mag-adjust sa paligid mo dahel na ren siguro sa stress, pressure, sa pagod at ka toxican.
hala! pano kaya yun, pag pinalad akong maging clerk..wala na akong baksyon. every other day na 36 hours duty....kayanin ko kaya yun. bahala na. ang hirap naman nun. ang toxic.
si. st. jude.
kanina nag mass ulet ako sa st. jude. cia yung patrion for the hopeless cases. bakit hopeless na ba ako? hahaha hopelessly inlove!
pucha kung sa sakto guy, hinde na suko na ko. kahit ata si st. jude di kaya ayusen yun. hanap na ako iba. hehehe
seriously, nag simba ako kay st. jude kc feeling ko kailangan ko ng huminge ng special divine intervention para mag patuloy ako sa landas na tinatahak ko. ang hirap kc eh. nakaka bobo actually mas nakakatanga kc pinagmumukha kang tanga ng paligid mo. parang andame ko pang kailangan malaman at maintindihan para maging karapat dapt sa buhay na to.. ang serious! hahaha basta prayer na lang kakampi ko.
at si dr. a
bukas ma meet ko ulet cia. umiyak ako dahel sa kanya. at sanan hinde na maulet iyon. ang hirap. ewan.
bye for now.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
ang nakakapagod kong buhay paminsan minsan
ang buhay ko minsan, nakakapagod.
hindi ko malaman kung paano patakbuhin.
kilala ko ang sarili ko, pero ang mga tao sa paligid ko minsan mahirap tantyahin.
mahirap mangapa ng damdamin, lalo na yung mga taong sa una pa lamang sarado na agad ang pintuan pati bintana para sa iyo.
wala namang problema sana, kaya kng manuyo at makisama. pero ang mas natatakot ako
mas natatakot ako sa sarili ko, pag nagasawa ako.
pag mas pinili ko na lamang mawalan ng kiber o paki alam sa mga tao sa paligid ko, sa sitwasyon ko.
kasi alam kong klahit anong pilit ko, ako naman ang pilit na magsasara ng sariling mundo
mahihirapang bumukas, ni pang unawa hindi ko na kayang ibigay.
nakakapagod kasing manuyo, makibagay.
mahirap. nakakapagod. nakakayamot. mabigat ang pakiramdam
kaya pag nangyari iyon, pasensyahan na lang.
sa ngayon kaya ko pa makibagay, makisabay.
pero pag nasagad na hanggang dulo
pasensya, alang samaan ng loob.
tulad mo, ako ren ay tao lamang.
hindi ko malaman kung paano patakbuhin.
kilala ko ang sarili ko, pero ang mga tao sa paligid ko minsan mahirap tantyahin.
mahirap mangapa ng damdamin, lalo na yung mga taong sa una pa lamang sarado na agad ang pintuan pati bintana para sa iyo.
wala namang problema sana, kaya kng manuyo at makisama. pero ang mas natatakot ako
mas natatakot ako sa sarili ko, pag nagasawa ako.
pag mas pinili ko na lamang mawalan ng kiber o paki alam sa mga tao sa paligid ko, sa sitwasyon ko.
kasi alam kong klahit anong pilit ko, ako naman ang pilit na magsasara ng sariling mundo
mahihirapang bumukas, ni pang unawa hindi ko na kayang ibigay.
nakakapagod kasing manuyo, makibagay.
mahirap. nakakapagod. nakakayamot. mabigat ang pakiramdam
kaya pag nangyari iyon, pasensyahan na lang.
sa ngayon kaya ko pa makibagay, makisabay.
pero pag nasagad na hanggang dulo
pasensya, alang samaan ng loob.
tulad mo, ako ren ay tao lamang.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
ang pagiging socially responsible
med mission again.
saan daw? Talao-talao
quezon po iyon.
anong meron?
lahat andun. lahat ng gusto kong gawen andun.
kakapagod iyon, pero kaya.
sana hindi mapolitika.
sana maayos matatapos.
salamat sa pagkakataong ito.
saan daw? Talao-talao
quezon po iyon.
anong meron?
lahat andun. lahat ng gusto kong gawen andun.
kakapagod iyon, pero kaya.
sana hindi mapolitika.
sana maayos matatapos.
salamat sa pagkakataong ito.
Friday, November 04, 2005
ang part three
ang part three ay tungkol sa taong dapt naging kasama ko sa baclaran trip.
btw, it was bad trip after all. didn't push through.
the whole vacation, everytime na sumasagi yung idea sa isip ko...i will always end up with telling myself to have no expectations, no false hopes . pero maniniwala sa mga surprises na pedeng dumating sa buhay maybe not coming from him but from life itself.
malabokase cia eh. he is not permanently persistent. pasulpot-sulpot lang. and i don't understand kung ano ba talaga. he never said he is courting me. but his friends says he is. he is asking me out but malas lang talaga, wala pa natuloy sa mga balak namen. drawing kc yun eh.
nakaka alala lang pag gusto nia. pag nakakainom ata. hahaha
i don't know if he really is that torpe or just not that in to me.
kagabe, we were together with friends. sa bahay ng pinsan ko. me konte inuman. didn't drink kc pale pilsen ung ini-inom nila. he offered me a coke sakto. part pa naman ng diet ko ang hinde mag soft drink, pero hinde na ako nakahinde, nabili na nia. and helo, can i say no to him. No!
yesterday, was something. although not confirmed ang mga bagay bagay at hinde galeng sa kanya. Naconfirm ng mga friends nia. alam ko may something. i just know.
all of his friends na hinde ko kakilala, eh kilala ako at associated sa kanya. talk about something huh?
nakwento pa nia, yung bayaw joke nia sa kapatid ko.
maisip talaga akong tao, kaya ren siguro ganito ako.
actually, for the last three months hinde naman kame nagkikita eh. text lang. so it was my first time to see him again after three months. ang cute ng feeling. basta it was nice to see him smile. cute!
hindi ako kinikilig pero masaya ako.
but i know hanggang hinde confirmed alam ko na non-sense ang lahat ng ito. i have heard a lot of similar stories na katulad ng sa akin pero hinde maganda ang ending. It was all assumptions, making the girl on the loosing end.
i think 50-50 chance na pedeng sad ending ng istorya kong ito. but i will stay for a while, because i like what i i have now. i like this, even though i don't understand the full terms and condition of "this". kahet na ako lang ang nag-aassume na may "this". kc alam ko, pag wala namang nangyare magsasawa den ako.
i might get hurt i don't care, everybody gets hurt. lilipas den yung kung magkakataon.
i will just stay here for a while, still wait for surprises
malay ba naten na sa kakahintay ko sa kakupadan nia, makilala ko yung god's best ko
pedeng hinde cia...hehehe
basta
i know and understand perfectly the "this" situation i am into. i'll stay for a while.
well that's enough update for now.
btw, it was bad trip after all. didn't push through.
the whole vacation, everytime na sumasagi yung idea sa isip ko...i will always end up with telling myself to have no expectations, no false hopes . pero maniniwala sa mga surprises na pedeng dumating sa buhay maybe not coming from him but from life itself.
malabokase cia eh. he is not permanently persistent. pasulpot-sulpot lang. and i don't understand kung ano ba talaga. he never said he is courting me. but his friends says he is. he is asking me out but malas lang talaga, wala pa natuloy sa mga balak namen. drawing kc yun eh.
nakaka alala lang pag gusto nia. pag nakakainom ata. hahaha
i don't know if he really is that torpe or just not that in to me.
kagabe, we were together with friends. sa bahay ng pinsan ko. me konte inuman. didn't drink kc pale pilsen ung ini-inom nila. he offered me a coke sakto. part pa naman ng diet ko ang hinde mag soft drink, pero hinde na ako nakahinde, nabili na nia. and helo, can i say no to him. No!
yesterday, was something. although not confirmed ang mga bagay bagay at hinde galeng sa kanya. Naconfirm ng mga friends nia. alam ko may something. i just know.
all of his friends na hinde ko kakilala, eh kilala ako at associated sa kanya. talk about something huh?
nakwento pa nia, yung bayaw joke nia sa kapatid ko.
maisip talaga akong tao, kaya ren siguro ganito ako.
actually, for the last three months hinde naman kame nagkikita eh. text lang. so it was my first time to see him again after three months. ang cute ng feeling. basta it was nice to see him smile. cute!
hindi ako kinikilig pero masaya ako.
but i know hanggang hinde confirmed alam ko na non-sense ang lahat ng ito. i have heard a lot of similar stories na katulad ng sa akin pero hinde maganda ang ending. It was all assumptions, making the girl on the loosing end.
i think 50-50 chance na pedeng sad ending ng istorya kong ito. but i will stay for a while, because i like what i i have now. i like this, even though i don't understand the full terms and condition of "this". kahet na ako lang ang nag-aassume na may "this". kc alam ko, pag wala namang nangyare magsasawa den ako.
i might get hurt i don't care, everybody gets hurt. lilipas den yung kung magkakataon.
i will just stay here for a while, still wait for surprises
malay ba naten na sa kakahintay ko sa kakupadan nia, makilala ko yung god's best ko
pedeng hinde cia...hehehe
basta
i know and understand perfectly the "this" situation i am into. i'll stay for a while.
well that's enough update for now.
part2
ang second theme ng vacation ko eh about life and motherhood.
can't belive my only single female cousin in the philippines, who is also the same age as me, is already married. I went to batangas to witness their simple civil wedding.
parang dream ang lahat. parang naglalaro lang. at pagdating ko dun, the afternoon before their wedding, kakabili pa lang nila ng ring kase akala daw nila di na kailangan ng ring pag civil wedding lang. oh di ba para silang naglalaro lang. they are just completing the requirements pero hinde ko alam if she or both them really know that their entering into a lifelong committment.
mahirap yung pinasok ng pinsan ko. i know napasubo ren cia. a baby is on the way na kase. but i know it was a decision na mahirap para sa kanya. ksae kilala ko yun eh. parehas kameng marameng dreams sa buhay. marameng gustong puntahan, marating, at maging sa pag lipas ng araw.
but she have a different path now. kc may aakayin na ciang little kid along the way at i add mo pa yung asawa nia. wow. major change ng plans.
well, i know she will learn to be mature along the way. i know that her husband will mature enough for the three of them. kilala ko naman yung mapapangasawa nia. medyo matagal na reng kakilala ng pamilya ko. and he is nice guy. mas marunong pa nga siyang mag luto kesa sa pinsan ko.
so that was the 2nd week.
the 3rd week was spent for buying candles and visiting the people who have left us earlier this year.
everytime i remember this people, nandun paren yung a feeling of sadness. naiiyak paren ako. and m hoping masaya sila sa kung saan man sila naroon.
can't belive my only single female cousin in the philippines, who is also the same age as me, is already married. I went to batangas to witness their simple civil wedding.
parang dream ang lahat. parang naglalaro lang. at pagdating ko dun, the afternoon before their wedding, kakabili pa lang nila ng ring kase akala daw nila di na kailangan ng ring pag civil wedding lang. oh di ba para silang naglalaro lang. they are just completing the requirements pero hinde ko alam if she or both them really know that their entering into a lifelong committment.
mahirap yung pinasok ng pinsan ko. i know napasubo ren cia. a baby is on the way na kase. but i know it was a decision na mahirap para sa kanya. ksae kilala ko yun eh. parehas kameng marameng dreams sa buhay. marameng gustong puntahan, marating, at maging sa pag lipas ng araw.
but she have a different path now. kc may aakayin na ciang little kid along the way at i add mo pa yung asawa nia. wow. major change ng plans.
well, i know she will learn to be mature along the way. i know that her husband will mature enough for the three of them. kilala ko naman yung mapapangasawa nia. medyo matagal na reng kakilala ng pamilya ko. and he is nice guy. mas marunong pa nga siyang mag luto kesa sa pinsan ko.
so that was the 2nd week.
the 3rd week was spent for buying candles and visiting the people who have left us earlier this year.
everytime i remember this people, nandun paren yung a feeling of sadness. naiiyak paren ako. and m hoping masaya sila sa kung saan man sila naroon.
mga updates ng buhay ko!
ang sabe ni aj, mag-update daw ako sa blog ko.
so eto na iyon...
malapit na matapos ang almost 1 month vacation from school ( 26 days to exact) and i may say that i did have a different vacation this time.
actually family ang theme ng vacation ko kc halos buong bakasyon ko was spent with or for my family.
the first week was different. I went to bohol for a week. Panglao beach kame nagpunta. I had some tan. Syempre brown na ako lalo pa akong naging brown. hahaha. Nakakita na ren ako ng tarsier and nakita ko ren ang wonderful chocolate hills
it was a nature trip. Sobrang parang wino-worship ko ang kagandahan ng beach, dahel talagang halos araw-araw ng stay ko dun nakababad ako sa tubig (8 days ako sa bohol).
Chocolate hills is better in real life kesa picture. Pucha! ang green ng paligid, yung feeling na you want to inhale-exhale more often para mapalitan ang hanging pumapaloob sa aking baga. pakshet sa ganda!
one sad story i heard while we were in one of the peaks para i view ang chocolate hills, and sobrang sama ng dating governor ng bohol kase pina-quarry nia ang isa sa mga hills. grabe naman yun. stupid things pipol do for money. pero at least na-impeach na yun.
so that was my bohol trip.
when i got back to manila, i spent the next five days buying pasalubong for families para ipadala naman sa canada.
pagkatapos nun, went back to batangas and attend ang super mabilisang wedding ng pinsan ko.
post ko na muna to.
so eto na iyon...
malapit na matapos ang almost 1 month vacation from school ( 26 days to exact) and i may say that i did have a different vacation this time.
actually family ang theme ng vacation ko kc halos buong bakasyon ko was spent with or for my family.
the first week was different. I went to bohol for a week. Panglao beach kame nagpunta. I had some tan. Syempre brown na ako lalo pa akong naging brown. hahaha. Nakakita na ren ako ng tarsier and nakita ko ren ang wonderful chocolate hills
it was a nature trip. Sobrang parang wino-worship ko ang kagandahan ng beach, dahel talagang halos araw-araw ng stay ko dun nakababad ako sa tubig (8 days ako sa bohol).
Chocolate hills is better in real life kesa picture. Pucha! ang green ng paligid, yung feeling na you want to inhale-exhale more often para mapalitan ang hanging pumapaloob sa aking baga. pakshet sa ganda!
one sad story i heard while we were in one of the peaks para i view ang chocolate hills, and sobrang sama ng dating governor ng bohol kase pina-quarry nia ang isa sa mga hills. grabe naman yun. stupid things pipol do for money. pero at least na-impeach na yun.
so that was my bohol trip.
when i got back to manila, i spent the next five days buying pasalubong for families para ipadala naman sa canada.
pagkatapos nun, went back to batangas and attend ang super mabilisang wedding ng pinsan ko.
post ko na muna to.
Monday, September 26, 2005
baclaran trip
magsisimba tayo sa baclaran.
doon taos pusong magdadasal
magsisisndi ng kandila
makikiusap sa bathala
hindi ko alam kung bakit doon tayo pupunta
ang iniisip ko lang sana'y maging masaya
huwag namn sanang maging isang bad trip
ang ating baclaran trip
matatahimik lang ako
kapag lumipas na ang sabado
ewan, sana may saysay
sana ay may kulay
sana ang lahat ng ito ay maging totoo
sana hindi maging panagip na todo
doon taos pusong magdadasal
magsisisndi ng kandila
makikiusap sa bathala
hindi ko alam kung bakit doon tayo pupunta
ang iniisip ko lang sana'y maging masaya
huwag namn sanang maging isang bad trip
ang ating baclaran trip
matatahimik lang ako
kapag lumipas na ang sabado
ewan, sana may saysay
sana ay may kulay
sana ang lahat ng ito ay maging totoo
sana hindi maging panagip na todo
Friday, September 23, 2005
happy birthday!
hapi bday to me!
masaya ako. i feel contented sa buhay ko.
thankful for my family, thankful for my friends.
thankful for every blessings that come my way
thanks kuya jesS!
masaya ako. i feel contented sa buhay ko.
thankful for my family, thankful for my friends.
thankful for every blessings that come my way
thanks kuya jesS!
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
masaya dapat bukas!
masaya bukas!
kahet ano mangyare.
i'll be celebrating my bday in advance. magluluto ako ng pasta and bibile ako ng pizza para masarap and dinner.
tapos may wine pa na dadalen c don. astig!
m celebrating 23 years of a wonderful life and adventurous love life!
yahoo! yipeee! yeheey! huray!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahaha!
kahet ano mangyare.
i'll be celebrating my bday in advance. magluluto ako ng pasta and bibile ako ng pizza para masarap and dinner.
tapos may wine pa na dadalen c don. astig!
m celebrating 23 years of a wonderful life and adventurous love life!
yahoo! yipeee! yeheey! huray!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahaha!
Sunday, September 18, 2005
back to square one...
walang akong pakialam sa kung ano man ang maririnig ko sa mga tao sa paligid ko.
walang akong pakialam kung nahihiya ka o natotorpe ka.
problema mo iyon, kaya wag mo akong idamay!
i have to stick to my decision. i really can't wait for you.
though i like you still, i just hope you know i can't be around, can't be free forever. i am sorry.
i like you and i know you like me too. but please do something about it...
i hope you can do something about it.
i might be waiting or i rather not
but please...
walang akong pakialam kung nahihiya ka o natotorpe ka.
problema mo iyon, kaya wag mo akong idamay!
i have to stick to my decision. i really can't wait for you.
though i like you still, i just hope you know i can't be around, can't be free forever. i am sorry.
i like you and i know you like me too. but please do something about it...
i hope you can do something about it.
i might be waiting or i rather not
but please...
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
i love myself more!
he is not that into me!
enough said.
i guess this is where i stop making excuses for him. I like it this way. It is so liberating.
officially i am now free from waiting for that someone to notice me again.
i know what i want. and i think i cannot get that by waiting for him. he cannot give it to me, so i have to move on.
good for me.
you may have like me, yet still your liking me is still not that big for you to be that into me. I still like you, but i love myself more. so i have to free myself from the hassle of again falling into somemone not gonna be able to return that feeling. i don't hate you for not liking me back or liking me as much as i like you. i know i just have to stop hoping for something that is not happening.
all that i want to say is thank you, at least you acknowledge me.
remember, i don't hate you, nor have regrets on all the things i have done. It would have been nice if we did try, but i think you will not try. I am not bitter about the situation.
You see, this not about you. I just have to move on because i realize that i love myself more.
I am free so don't worry about me.
enough said.
i guess this is where i stop making excuses for him. I like it this way. It is so liberating.
officially i am now free from waiting for that someone to notice me again.
i know what i want. and i think i cannot get that by waiting for him. he cannot give it to me, so i have to move on.
good for me.
you may have like me, yet still your liking me is still not that big for you to be that into me. I still like you, but i love myself more. so i have to free myself from the hassle of again falling into somemone not gonna be able to return that feeling. i don't hate you for not liking me back or liking me as much as i like you. i know i just have to stop hoping for something that is not happening.
all that i want to say is thank you, at least you acknowledge me.
remember, i don't hate you, nor have regrets on all the things i have done. It would have been nice if we did try, but i think you will not try. I am not bitter about the situation.
You see, this not about you. I just have to move on because i realize that i love myself more.
I am free so don't worry about me.
Monday, September 12, 2005
ang hirap maka konek
i have been trying to connect to the internet for the last two hours through a dial up modem sa apartment, pero i have finally given up.
lumabas ako at pumasok sa isa sa mga internet shop.
bwist. bago pa naman ung internet card ko.
ang hirap maka connect, mas madalas na busy
parang pag konek din yan sa tao
mas madalas busy ang taong kausap mo kaya mahirap minsan magkonek ang usapan nyo.
minsan kahit anong paghahanda ang gawen mo, pag praktisan man ang mga linyang sasabihen ay mawawalan paren ng saysay dahil ang mismong taong kausap ay nanatiling sarado ang utak.
bwisit. nakakaubos oras. nakakapagod.
eh pano kaya kung ako naman ang busy o sarado ang utak.
bakit kailangan ako lang ang nakikibagay.
hmmm. ano nga kaya?
hindi ko ata kaya...hindi ko kayang magpakababa tulad nila.
iisipin ko na lang na ako ang normal.
gagwin ko lang ang tama
hindi aasang magbabago sila
bahala na. bahala na.
lumabas ako at pumasok sa isa sa mga internet shop.
bwist. bago pa naman ung internet card ko.
ang hirap maka connect, mas madalas na busy
parang pag konek din yan sa tao
mas madalas busy ang taong kausap mo kaya mahirap minsan magkonek ang usapan nyo.
minsan kahit anong paghahanda ang gawen mo, pag praktisan man ang mga linyang sasabihen ay mawawalan paren ng saysay dahil ang mismong taong kausap ay nanatiling sarado ang utak.
bwisit. nakakaubos oras. nakakapagod.
eh pano kaya kung ako naman ang busy o sarado ang utak.
bakit kailangan ako lang ang nakikibagay.
hmmm. ano nga kaya?
hindi ko ata kaya...hindi ko kayang magpakababa tulad nila.
iisipin ko na lang na ako ang normal.
gagwin ko lang ang tama
hindi aasang magbabago sila
bahala na. bahala na.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
to forgive or not to forgive
forgiveness ang gospel kanina.
m not sure i am good at this.
ika nga ng isang comercial, " to fogive, of course, to forget mahirap but i'm trying"
that is how exaclty i am everytime i need to forgive someone. Madaling sabihen pero mahirap kalimutan.
forgetting is a big chunk of forgiveness. one cannot say they have forgiven if one cannot have not fully forgotten that specific act or wrongdoing.
our memory has always been our greatest enemy, it never failed to remind us the details of certain act and all those bad feelings that is within that specific memory.
ako ang isang taong may short term memory lost pero pagdating sa mga ganyang bagay, isa ako sa mga taong mahirap makalimot.
kaya nga parang nahihiya ako humingi ng forgiveness sa prayer ko, hanggang hindi pa ako handa magpatawad.
haay naku mahirap pumilit ng ayaw, sana sa mga susunod na araw magiging madali na ito.
m not sure i am good at this.
ika nga ng isang comercial, " to fogive, of course, to forget mahirap but i'm trying"
that is how exaclty i am everytime i need to forgive someone. Madaling sabihen pero mahirap kalimutan.
forgetting is a big chunk of forgiveness. one cannot say they have forgiven if one cannot have not fully forgotten that specific act or wrongdoing.
our memory has always been our greatest enemy, it never failed to remind us the details of certain act and all those bad feelings that is within that specific memory.
ako ang isang taong may short term memory lost pero pagdating sa mga ganyang bagay, isa ako sa mga taong mahirap makalimot.
kaya nga parang nahihiya ako humingi ng forgiveness sa prayer ko, hanggang hindi pa ako handa magpatawad.
haay naku mahirap pumilit ng ayaw, sana sa mga susunod na araw magiging madali na ito.
malapit na bday ko!
twelve days from now, i'll be celebrating my 23rd bday!
ang saya! another year has passed and andameng nangyare. marameng mga memories akong babaunin from 22nd year of my life.
many things have change, even my perspective in life has changed. even on the way i see people. as much as my experienced has taught me, i know i see better now.
mas kilala ko na ang mga tao sa paligid ko. now i am more careful and more considerate for other people. hindi na ren ako ganun masyadong nagtitiwala sa mga tao at bagay na dumarating sa buhay ko.
ganun pa man, masayahin pa rin akong tao. i would always be thankful for the small things that god has blessed me.
thank you!
ang saya! another year has passed and andameng nangyare. marameng mga memories akong babaunin from 22nd year of my life.
many things have change, even my perspective in life has changed. even on the way i see people. as much as my experienced has taught me, i know i see better now.
mas kilala ko na ang mga tao sa paligid ko. now i am more careful and more considerate for other people. hindi na ren ako ganun masyadong nagtitiwala sa mga tao at bagay na dumarating sa buhay ko.
ganun pa man, masayahin pa rin akong tao. i would always be thankful for the small things that god has blessed me.
thank you!
Thursday, September 01, 2005
in need of a better life?
i have been stressed out lately. i have pressured my self to study better this 2nd grading period. i need to alleviate myself from my mediocre grade.
My parents does not make think like this. They don't even care on what those numbers mean, i know all that they really want in the end is a doctor for a daughter. They don't really care whatever number would reflect on my transcript, all they want to see after are the initials M & D after my name.
My problem is not coming from my environment, but from the inner me that tells and believed so much as to the numbers i see from this papers. Actually, i should be far more concerned on wether i understand all of these diseases rather than believe so much on these results that would reflect only the proficiency of my memory or more specifically the ability to recall short term information.
but these numbers are my gauge as to whether i am doing my part as a student or not. These numbers tell me that i should work hard more and that i should not stop for the prognosis of my future patents is at stake.
too much the drama. well two hours from now, i would received one of the exam results. I am hoping i pass. i am hoping i pass.
as for my organization, there is too much work that we should be doing. and i hope my orgmates realize this.
as for the lighter side of life. all i want to say is that i will be waiting. I have done my part and now all that is left for me to do is to wait for you. I just want you to know, that right now there is nothing much i can do but this. It will be up to you to do something for us to take a step higher or elevate the level of our friendship into something more interesting. I hope that you would realize sooner, that you do not have to be better than me. There is no competetion here. For actually right now, with all the things that are happening, from all the things that you are saying you are actually one of my favorite guy in the world next to my father. i am not someone great nor perfect. i want you to know that, even if it is hard to beleive, that in this aspect of my life my wishes are simple. so please, get enough courage to approach me rather than confess all of these things to the people around us. please.
My parents does not make think like this. They don't even care on what those numbers mean, i know all that they really want in the end is a doctor for a daughter. They don't really care whatever number would reflect on my transcript, all they want to see after are the initials M & D after my name.
My problem is not coming from my environment, but from the inner me that tells and believed so much as to the numbers i see from this papers. Actually, i should be far more concerned on wether i understand all of these diseases rather than believe so much on these results that would reflect only the proficiency of my memory or more specifically the ability to recall short term information.
but these numbers are my gauge as to whether i am doing my part as a student or not. These numbers tell me that i should work hard more and that i should not stop for the prognosis of my future patents is at stake.
too much the drama. well two hours from now, i would received one of the exam results. I am hoping i pass. i am hoping i pass.
as for my organization, there is too much work that we should be doing. and i hope my orgmates realize this.
as for the lighter side of life. all i want to say is that i will be waiting. I have done my part and now all that is left for me to do is to wait for you. I just want you to know, that right now there is nothing much i can do but this. It will be up to you to do something for us to take a step higher or elevate the level of our friendship into something more interesting. I hope that you would realize sooner, that you do not have to be better than me. There is no competetion here. For actually right now, with all the things that are happening, from all the things that you are saying you are actually one of my favorite guy in the world next to my father. i am not someone great nor perfect. i want you to know that, even if it is hard to beleive, that in this aspect of my life my wishes are simple. so please, get enough courage to approach me rather than confess all of these things to the people around us. please.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
how can i buy your story?
sa totoo lang i don't buy your story...
pero ang nakakatawa, may isa akong kaibigan na sobrang realistic tumingin sa lahat ng bagay and yet she believes you
imagine that.
ngayon, gusto ko man maniwala, ayaw ko paren.
pero i will still be nice and be open for whatever is next to come.
thanks...at least ngayon nakabalik ka na sa circulasyon...salamat ulet!
pero ang nakakatawa, may isa akong kaibigan na sobrang realistic tumingin sa lahat ng bagay and yet she believes you
imagine that.
ngayon, gusto ko man maniwala, ayaw ko paren.
pero i will still be nice and be open for whatever is next to come.
thanks...at least ngayon nakabalik ka na sa circulasyon...salamat ulet!
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Message ko para sa iyo
this is the supposed message na iiwan ko sa kanya
m still gathering all the courage that i need para maibigay ko ito sa kanya.
weird and sitwasyon.
nawala ka all of a sudden. it must have been a month when i tot you ask me out sa text. after a few days of text you were gone. was the message not meant for me or i was just assuming things...basta weird na after, you don't seem to reply sa message ko no. . .
kung hindi kita kaibigan, i would think na isa ka sa mga taong gago na nang titrip lang. but friend kita, kaya i know that you probably have some reasons behind it.
ala lang i just it would have been nice getting to know you better.
enjoy life!
take care!
alam ko if send this message to you, the possibilities of us being more close would be non-existent. kase alam ko na mas lalo kang maiilang at lalayo.
but i have to let you know this...
ewan ko. pag iisipan ko ulet.
m still gathering all the courage that i need para maibigay ko ito sa kanya.
weird and sitwasyon.
nawala ka all of a sudden. it must have been a month when i tot you ask me out sa text. after a few days of text you were gone. was the message not meant for me or i was just assuming things...basta weird na after, you don't seem to reply sa message ko no. . .
kung hindi kita kaibigan, i would think na isa ka sa mga taong gago na nang titrip lang. but friend kita, kaya i know that you probably have some reasons behind it.
ala lang i just it would have been nice getting to know you better.
enjoy life!
take care!
alam ko if send this message to you, the possibilities of us being more close would be non-existent. kase alam ko na mas lalo kang maiilang at lalayo.
but i have to let you know this...
ewan ko. pag iisipan ko ulet.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
kailangan kong burahin
hindi ko alam kung bakit kinailangan kong burahen lahat ng mga mensahe nia sa telepono ko. hinde ko alam pero, nainis ako. Parang isang kumpirmasyon ang narinig ko kay Gau, at malaki ang hinala kong tama siya
tama siguro ang ginawa ko. nakakadismaya kase akala ko siya ang magiging bagong simula ko. akala ko ayos lang na uamyon sa daluyong ng alon sa dagat. Mahirap mangaminin, at kulang man ako sa mga bagay na maaring magpatunay ng aking hakahaka, alam kong biktima na naman ako ng maling akala. dapat sanay na ako sa ganitong sitwasyon, dapat alam ko ng umiwas o kumilitis sa mga taong totoo at seryoso, kumpara sa mga taong mababaw at tuso.
ayos na den. nangyare an ang mga dapat mangyare. pinahintulutan ng taong makapangyarihan ang mga ito marahil sa dahilang siya lamang ang nakakaalam. mahirap mang unawain pero ganun paman, alam kong may paraan siyang ipapamalas sa akin upang maging malinaw ang lahat. At sa pagkakataong yaon, mauunawaan ko ding para sa ikakabuti ko ang lahat ng mga nangayayari ngayon.
para sa iyo, isa ang masasabi ko "Thanks, but no thanks!"
tama siguro ang ginawa ko. nakakadismaya kase akala ko siya ang magiging bagong simula ko. akala ko ayos lang na uamyon sa daluyong ng alon sa dagat. Mahirap mangaminin, at kulang man ako sa mga bagay na maaring magpatunay ng aking hakahaka, alam kong biktima na naman ako ng maling akala. dapat sanay na ako sa ganitong sitwasyon, dapat alam ko ng umiwas o kumilitis sa mga taong totoo at seryoso, kumpara sa mga taong mababaw at tuso.
ayos na den. nangyare an ang mga dapat mangyare. pinahintulutan ng taong makapangyarihan ang mga ito marahil sa dahilang siya lamang ang nakakaalam. mahirap mang unawain pero ganun paman, alam kong may paraan siyang ipapamalas sa akin upang maging malinaw ang lahat. At sa pagkakataong yaon, mauunawaan ko ding para sa ikakabuti ko ang lahat ng mga nangayayari ngayon.
para sa iyo, isa ang masasabi ko "Thanks, but no thanks!"
Thursday, August 11, 2005
wala akong kiber
mahirap pag nawalan ka ng kiber sa isang bagay
yun ang nararanasan ko ngayon
sa sobrang inis ko, nawawalan na ako ng kiber
pagod na ako
pagod na ako
sobrang pagod na ako
sobrang pagod na ako
pero dahel mahal ko ang ginagawa ko
hindi ko iindahin ang pagod.
hindi ko papansinin ang puyat
alam kong di mawawalan ng saysay ang buhay
yun ang nararanasan ko ngayon
sa sobrang inis ko, nawawalan na ako ng kiber
pagod na ako
pagod na ako
sobrang pagod na ako
sobrang pagod na ako
pero dahel mahal ko ang ginagawa ko
hindi ko iindahin ang pagod.
hindi ko papansinin ang puyat
alam kong di mawawalan ng saysay ang buhay
Sunday, August 07, 2005
nakakainip
naiinip ako
sa kahihintay sa isangbagay na hindi sigurado
nabwibwiset ako dahel naghihintay ako
dahil hinihintay kita
sana hindi ko na lang napapansin ang oras
sana hindi ko napapansin na mabagal ang panahon
na may pagkamabagal ka umusad
pagong ka na atang tuwiran
bwiset
bwiset
bwiset
naiinis ako dahil hinihintay kita
hindi ko makuhang mauna
magpaparamdam sana ako
pero naisip ko
bakit natitiis mo ako
ganun ba yun, kala ko ba seryoso
gusto kong isipin
marami kang pinagkaka abalahan
may bago ka na atang trabaho
marami na ata nagbago sa buhay mo
sana isama mo ko
sana isa ren ako sa mga bago sa buhay mo
hindi kita kayang tiisin
malamang pagkatapos nito
magpaparamdam ako
mangungunang mangamusta
at sana naman
sa pagkakataong ito
sumagot ka.
at kahit hindi
maghihintay ako
kase yun ang alam ko ngayon
ang manguna at maghaintay
dahil balang araw
umaasa akong
aayon sa atin ang panahon
aayon sa ating tadhana
walang nang hintayan magaganap
sabay na lang natin
haharapin ang bukas
sa kahihintay sa isangbagay na hindi sigurado
nabwibwiset ako dahel naghihintay ako
dahil hinihintay kita
sana hindi ko na lang napapansin ang oras
sana hindi ko napapansin na mabagal ang panahon
na may pagkamabagal ka umusad
pagong ka na atang tuwiran
bwiset
bwiset
bwiset
naiinis ako dahil hinihintay kita
hindi ko makuhang mauna
magpaparamdam sana ako
pero naisip ko
bakit natitiis mo ako
ganun ba yun, kala ko ba seryoso
gusto kong isipin
marami kang pinagkaka abalahan
may bago ka na atang trabaho
marami na ata nagbago sa buhay mo
sana isama mo ko
sana isa ren ako sa mga bago sa buhay mo
hindi kita kayang tiisin
malamang pagkatapos nito
magpaparamdam ako
mangungunang mangamusta
at sana naman
sa pagkakataong ito
sumagot ka.
at kahit hindi
maghihintay ako
kase yun ang alam ko ngayon
ang manguna at maghaintay
dahil balang araw
umaasa akong
aayon sa atin ang panahon
aayon sa ating tadhana
walang nang hintayan magaganap
sabay na lang natin
haharapin ang bukas
Thursday, August 04, 2005
sa wakas balik normal na ang buhay ko!
sa wakas natapos na din ang isang buwan ng paghihirap.
sa ngayon alam ko, na may mga bagay sana na naiwasan kung ang mga ito ay pinag - isipang mabuti. may mga bagay na na isa ayos ng maayos, pero ganun talag hindi lahat ng tao matutuwa sa pag hihrap mo dahil talaga namang totoo hindi mo kayang i please ang lahat ng tao
hindi natin kayang sabihin na pare prehas ang gustong makita ng mga tao
pero ako, sa totoo lang masaya ako at thankful sa mga taong nakasama ko
masaya ako mababit at masisipag ang mga taong nakatrabaho ko
gusto ko reng pasalamatan c dr. a dahel sa lahat ng ka toxic-an na kanyang ibingay natuto akong magpursige sa buhay med...hehehe
mamaya uuwe ako ng bahay, matutulog ako sa aking kama at nanamnamin ako ang sarap ng panaginip.
kung may bago mang pagsubok na darating bukas, hindi importante iyon
ang mas mahalaga ay makabawe ako ng lakas...para bukas may tunay na ngiti namamumutawi sa aking labi!
sa ngayon alam ko, na may mga bagay sana na naiwasan kung ang mga ito ay pinag - isipang mabuti. may mga bagay na na isa ayos ng maayos, pero ganun talag hindi lahat ng tao matutuwa sa pag hihrap mo dahil talaga namang totoo hindi mo kayang i please ang lahat ng tao
hindi natin kayang sabihin na pare prehas ang gustong makita ng mga tao
pero ako, sa totoo lang masaya ako at thankful sa mga taong nakasama ko
masaya ako mababit at masisipag ang mga taong nakatrabaho ko
gusto ko reng pasalamatan c dr. a dahel sa lahat ng ka toxic-an na kanyang ibingay natuto akong magpursige sa buhay med...hehehe
mamaya uuwe ako ng bahay, matutulog ako sa aking kama at nanamnamin ako ang sarap ng panaginip.
kung may bago mang pagsubok na darating bukas, hindi importante iyon
ang mas mahalaga ay makabawe ako ng lakas...para bukas may tunay na ngiti namamumutawi sa aking labi!
Monday, July 04, 2005
An exciting two years...
July 4, 2005
Stay
[ Cueshe ]
I believewe shouldnt let the moment pass us by
life’s too shortwe shouldnt wait for the water to run dry
think about it cause we only have one shot at destiny
all im asking could it possibly be you and me?
So if you’d still go, i’ll understand
would you give me something just to hold on to?
and if you’ll stay, ill hold your hand
cause im truly, madly, crazily in love with you
Time has come for us to go our separate ways
God forbid But my mind is going crazy today
i feel so cold feel so numb
im having nightmares but im awake
Help me lord Fight this loneliness
Take this pain away
So if you’d still go, i’ll understand
would you give me something just to hold on to?
and if you’ll stay, ill hold your hand
cause im truly, madly, crazily in love with you
Now that you’re gone, im all alone
im still hoping that you would come back home
dont care how long, but im willing to wait
Cause im truly, madly, crazily in love with you
Hi!
Adventures of love life ang isusulat ko kc natatamad na akong magbigay ng komento sa mga bagay na nangyayari sa paligid ko…
C u in 2007…
Those were his last text…with a smiley face and the word “ingat”. I am giving him two months, if he will not do anything to make me feel his presence through text or phone call, I’ll probably consider those last words as act of politeness.
I asked my friend to investigate whether his cellphone no. was activated for roaming services. And after a few minutes, my friend was positive that his no. was activated. From this information, I know that he has with him his sim card, so he knows what my no. is. So this would only mean that he has all the means to keep in touch.
I like him. That is what I am sure right now. I am hoping that he has not told anyone any of the stupid and obvious text messages I sent him. I am hoping that when I visit my hometown, not any of his friends will say anything about or even joke about it.
There are so many things that can happen in two years. By that time, hopefully I am on my final year in medskul. That I’m probably having my internship already. I am not sure whether by that time I’ll be attached to a serious relationship. Hopefully that’s the case. Or maybe we’ll be in special relationship by that time. I prefer the later. Because if ever that happens, it means that the two years that we were apart, we were able to give meaning to our friendship despite the distance. I also think, that it would also mean an exciting two years for both of us. But this would only happen if kuya Jess would allow it. Hopefully that will be the case.
So why am I giving a two month due date. Because this would mean that I can fully entertain the possibility and open my doors to other guys only after the two months period. So this today is July 4, two months would mean…September 4, 2005.
I just hope that we will both have a wonderful two years. I am hoping and praying that I will be able to handle all the pressures and demands of my chosen field. And I am also hoping and praying that he will be able to finish his contract at Saudi. That loneliness and the feeling of being homesick, would not make him not finish his job. And I am praying also that he will be safe and healthy everyday of his stay there. I am also hoping that his employment would not be affected of the declining status of the world economy. And I pray also that the place where he is right now will be safe from all the treats of bombings and terrorism.
Thank you Kuya Jess for this light feeling of a pseudo love… I don’t know how to call it but I like the calmness it brings me.
Thank you!
Stay
[ Cueshe ]
I believewe shouldnt let the moment pass us by
life’s too shortwe shouldnt wait for the water to run dry
think about it cause we only have one shot at destiny
all im asking could it possibly be you and me?
So if you’d still go, i’ll understand
would you give me something just to hold on to?
and if you’ll stay, ill hold your hand
cause im truly, madly, crazily in love with you
Time has come for us to go our separate ways
God forbid But my mind is going crazy today
i feel so cold feel so numb
im having nightmares but im awake
Help me lord Fight this loneliness
Take this pain away
So if you’d still go, i’ll understand
would you give me something just to hold on to?
and if you’ll stay, ill hold your hand
cause im truly, madly, crazily in love with you
Now that you’re gone, im all alone
im still hoping that you would come back home
dont care how long, but im willing to wait
Cause im truly, madly, crazily in love with you
Hi!
Adventures of love life ang isusulat ko kc natatamad na akong magbigay ng komento sa mga bagay na nangyayari sa paligid ko…
C u in 2007…
Those were his last text…with a smiley face and the word “ingat”. I am giving him two months, if he will not do anything to make me feel his presence through text or phone call, I’ll probably consider those last words as act of politeness.
I asked my friend to investigate whether his cellphone no. was activated for roaming services. And after a few minutes, my friend was positive that his no. was activated. From this information, I know that he has with him his sim card, so he knows what my no. is. So this would only mean that he has all the means to keep in touch.
I like him. That is what I am sure right now. I am hoping that he has not told anyone any of the stupid and obvious text messages I sent him. I am hoping that when I visit my hometown, not any of his friends will say anything about or even joke about it.
There are so many things that can happen in two years. By that time, hopefully I am on my final year in medskul. That I’m probably having my internship already. I am not sure whether by that time I’ll be attached to a serious relationship. Hopefully that’s the case. Or maybe we’ll be in special relationship by that time. I prefer the later. Because if ever that happens, it means that the two years that we were apart, we were able to give meaning to our friendship despite the distance. I also think, that it would also mean an exciting two years for both of us. But this would only happen if kuya Jess would allow it. Hopefully that will be the case.
So why am I giving a two month due date. Because this would mean that I can fully entertain the possibility and open my doors to other guys only after the two months period. So this today is July 4, two months would mean…September 4, 2005.
I just hope that we will both have a wonderful two years. I am hoping and praying that I will be able to handle all the pressures and demands of my chosen field. And I am also hoping and praying that he will be able to finish his contract at Saudi. That loneliness and the feeling of being homesick, would not make him not finish his job. And I am praying also that he will be safe and healthy everyday of his stay there. I am also hoping that his employment would not be affected of the declining status of the world economy. And I pray also that the place where he is right now will be safe from all the treats of bombings and terrorism.
Thank you Kuya Jess for this light feeling of a pseudo love… I don’t know how to call it but I like the calmness it brings me.
Thank you!
Saturday, June 25, 2005
georgie day!!!!
magandang umaga!
masaya ako! salamat at hidi ka nagyayabang. sana makasama ulit kita.
i hope someday soon...sooner...you will notice me in a different way.
bahala na.
i know that you already know my little secret.
i guess, i'll just have to work it out from there.
god bless!
hopin i'll have blessed day!
masaya ako! salamat at hidi ka nagyayabang. sana makasama ulit kita.
i hope someday soon...sooner...you will notice me in a different way.
bahala na.
i know that you already know my little secret.
i guess, i'll just have to work it out from there.
god bless!
hopin i'll have blessed day!
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
mganda ang umaga, kahit na bumabagsak pa rin ang talukap ng mata, gusto kong isipin na may katuturan ang buong araw na ito.
inaantok ako...pero kailangan kong imulat ang mga mata at piliting gisingin ang diwa.
kahit na nararamdaman ko ang kagustuhang ibagsak muli ang katawan sa higaan
dapat ko itong pigilan ...
dapat may lakas akong laban ang sarili kong katamaran
pagkat maganda ang umaga, ang haring araw ay sumikat na
dala ang bagong pag-asa na ang buong araw ay masaya
----
hindi ko na ata magiging theme song ang kantang "hanggang kailan " ng Orange and lemons. hindi ko na rin ata kaya ang kahihiyan na uuwi muli ako sa batangas.
sana mapaalis siya. sana makakuha siya ng trabaho para sana mas may pag-asa na bukas o sa makalawa ay may katuparang kami ay magsama.
inaantok ako...pero kailangan kong imulat ang mga mata at piliting gisingin ang diwa.
kahit na nararamdaman ko ang kagustuhang ibagsak muli ang katawan sa higaan
dapat ko itong pigilan ...
dapat may lakas akong laban ang sarili kong katamaran
pagkat maganda ang umaga, ang haring araw ay sumikat na
dala ang bagong pag-asa na ang buong araw ay masaya
----
hindi ko na ata magiging theme song ang kantang "hanggang kailan " ng Orange and lemons. hindi ko na rin ata kaya ang kahihiyan na uuwi muli ako sa batangas.
sana mapaalis siya. sana makakuha siya ng trabaho para sana mas may pag-asa na bukas o sa makalawa ay may katuparang kami ay magsama.
magandang umaga!!!!
mganda ang umaga, kahit na bumabagsak pa rin ang talukap ng mata, gusto kong isipin na may katuturan ang buong araw na ito.
inaantok ako...pero kailangan kong imulat ang mga mata at piliting gisingin ang diwa.
kahit na nararamdaman ko ang kagustuhang ibagsak muli ang katawan sa higaan
dapt ko itong pigilan ...
dapat may lakas akong laban ang sarili kong katamaran
pagkat maganda ang umaga, ang haring araw ay sumikat na
dala ang bagong pag-asa na ang buong araw ay masaya
----
hindi ko na ata magiging theme song ang kantang "hanggang kailan " ng Orange and lemons. hindi ko na rin ata kaya ang kahihiyan na uuwi muli ako sa batangas.
sana mapaalis siya. sana makakuha siya ng trabaho para sana mas may pag-asa na bukas o sa makalawa ay may katuparang kami ay magsama.
inaantok ako...pero kailangan kong imulat ang mga mata at piliting gisingin ang diwa.
kahit na nararamdaman ko ang kagustuhang ibagsak muli ang katawan sa higaan
dapt ko itong pigilan ...
dapat may lakas akong laban ang sarili kong katamaran
pagkat maganda ang umaga, ang haring araw ay sumikat na
dala ang bagong pag-asa na ang buong araw ay masaya
----
hindi ko na ata magiging theme song ang kantang "hanggang kailan " ng Orange and lemons. hindi ko na rin ata kaya ang kahihiyan na uuwi muli ako sa batangas.
sana mapaalis siya. sana makakuha siya ng trabaho para sana mas may pag-asa na bukas o sa makalawa ay may katuparang kami ay magsama.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Back to my normal life
After a long of time vacation I am here again in front of one of the computers here in our library trying to make sense of my break time by writing things that are somehow trivial in life...
back to school, back to normal life. Back on sleepless nights, back to reading books that would try to add to the convolutions of my brain.
so how was my summer...
REALIZATIONS, that is only description I can think of.
this summer taught me to realize so many things in the different aspects of my life.
I loss two people that are dear to my heart. I still mourn for them, paminsan minsan pag naiisip ko. i still feel this big thing within my chest, para bang hindi ko lubos na nailalabas ang kalungkutang aking nadarama.
these people made me want to pursue this profession more. That i am hoping that when the time comes when i will be encountering Patients with the same kind of illnesses, i will be more of help. feeling ko kc kulang ang suportang naibigay ko sa mga taong ito. I could have shown more care and love for this two people. And maybe things would have different. I love them so much that it still hurts thinking i am not gonna be able to see them or spent any special moment with them.
this summer made me realize also that right now, i am making a lifetime decision of dedicating everything i have for this profession. Para bang, sinasabe ko na ren na wala ng urungan ito. deretso lang ang alam ko daan, pede akong huminto, bumagal pero i can not see my self making a complete stop and turning around. That is why i always pray for his guidance, na kahet ayawan ako ng kursong ito, ay mas lalo akong mag pursige para maging totoo lahat ng mga pangarap ko. so help me God.
as for the lighter side of my life, the most realization i have made is that I AM BEATIFUL
hahahaha
I think I am way over my ugly duckling sydrome! this is good, right?!@ there were so many things that made me feel like a normal girl being followed around by normal boys....Kase dati ang akala ko people will pass by without noticing my existence. Pero ngayon i am somehow annoyed but still thankful of the people trying to consider my existence as part of their own.
As for my mumbaki, i wish to see you soon. I still wish to see you un attached...with the hope of you noticing me in a differnt way.
As for the engineer, thank you. After hearing all those things, and learning the truth behind some issues I realize that I deserve someone better. I realize that you are not what i hope you will be. I am thankful that i did not fall on any of your sickening traps. i hope that you would stop ruining lives of the desperate women that fall for your devilish smile. i know someday, you will meet your match. But still i thank you for the experience, the kilig moments, the dreams and the confidence in that I am one girls that you like but you never had!
As for the komposer. I like you. I hope that you would have the courage to ask me out. I hope you will have the courage to create conversations with me. Though you kinda fell short as to my standards for the RIGHT MAN, ok lang! because what is important is that I like you, you like me too, then will work it out from there.
I am looking forward for a good year for my group, my studies and for my family and my love life.
thank you!
back to school, back to normal life. Back on sleepless nights, back to reading books that would try to add to the convolutions of my brain.
so how was my summer...
REALIZATIONS, that is only description I can think of.
this summer taught me to realize so many things in the different aspects of my life.
I loss two people that are dear to my heart. I still mourn for them, paminsan minsan pag naiisip ko. i still feel this big thing within my chest, para bang hindi ko lubos na nailalabas ang kalungkutang aking nadarama.
these people made me want to pursue this profession more. That i am hoping that when the time comes when i will be encountering Patients with the same kind of illnesses, i will be more of help. feeling ko kc kulang ang suportang naibigay ko sa mga taong ito. I could have shown more care and love for this two people. And maybe things would have different. I love them so much that it still hurts thinking i am not gonna be able to see them or spent any special moment with them.
this summer made me realize also that right now, i am making a lifetime decision of dedicating everything i have for this profession. Para bang, sinasabe ko na ren na wala ng urungan ito. deretso lang ang alam ko daan, pede akong huminto, bumagal pero i can not see my self making a complete stop and turning around. That is why i always pray for his guidance, na kahet ayawan ako ng kursong ito, ay mas lalo akong mag pursige para maging totoo lahat ng mga pangarap ko. so help me God.
as for the lighter side of my life, the most realization i have made is that I AM BEATIFUL
hahahaha
I think I am way over my ugly duckling sydrome! this is good, right?!@ there were so many things that made me feel like a normal girl being followed around by normal boys....Kase dati ang akala ko people will pass by without noticing my existence. Pero ngayon i am somehow annoyed but still thankful of the people trying to consider my existence as part of their own.
As for my mumbaki, i wish to see you soon. I still wish to see you un attached...with the hope of you noticing me in a differnt way.
As for the engineer, thank you. After hearing all those things, and learning the truth behind some issues I realize that I deserve someone better. I realize that you are not what i hope you will be. I am thankful that i did not fall on any of your sickening traps. i hope that you would stop ruining lives of the desperate women that fall for your devilish smile. i know someday, you will meet your match. But still i thank you for the experience, the kilig moments, the dreams and the confidence in that I am one girls that you like but you never had!
As for the komposer. I like you. I hope that you would have the courage to ask me out. I hope you will have the courage to create conversations with me. Though you kinda fell short as to my standards for the RIGHT MAN, ok lang! because what is important is that I like you, you like me too, then will work it out from there.
I am looking forward for a good year for my group, my studies and for my family and my love life.
thank you!
Saturday, March 05, 2005
for my mumbaki
Broken Sonnet -
Hale And now i concede
On the night of this fifteenth song
Of melancholy, of melancholy
And in this next line
I’ll say it all over again
That i love you, i love you.
I don’t care what they say
I don’t care what they do
‘cause tonight i’ll leave my fears behind
‘cause tonight i’ll be right at your side.
Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And i will never let go
Will never let go.
The clock on the tv says 8:39 pm
It’s the same, it’s the same
And in this next line
I’ll say it all over again
That i love you, i love you.
I don’t care what they say
I don’t care what they do
‘cause tonight i’ll leave my fears behind
‘cause tonight i’ll be right at your side.
Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And i will never let go
Will never let go.
I’ll leave my fears behind
‘cause tonight i’ll be right at your side.
Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And i will never let go
Will never let go.
But still i see the tears from your eyes
Maybe i’m just not the one for you
shit ang ganda ng lyrics!
I like to believe that this song depicts how i feel about the Mulawin guy in my life.
haaay...i probably should log out start to study for my long exams this coming monday.....
for KIME:
thanks for the short conversations.
thanks for the occassional smiles
everytime we see each other at the hallways
thanks for spicing up my life
thanks for being friendly
thanks for making me do things i never tot i can do
thanks for giving me inspiration
thanks for acknowledging my presence
i'll miss you
i hope to see you again
Thursday, February 24, 2005
what a toxic day
haay apat na test, isang papaer at lecture hanggang mamyang 7pm. san pa kaya ako lalagay mamaya . malamang mamya pabagsak pa lang ang katawan ko sa kama ay tiyak na tulog na ako....kakakayanin ko pa ba ang mga raw na ganito na maaring dumating pa sabuhay ko sa loob ng 3 pang taon na nalalabi sa akin sa kursong ito
ewan ko ba....
ewan ko ba....
what a toxic day
haay apat na test, isang papaer at lecture hanggang mamyang 7pm. san pa kaya ako lalagay mamaya . malamang mamya pabagsak pa lang ang katawan ko sa kama ay tiyak na tulog na ako....kakakayanin ko pa ba ang mga raw na ganito na maaring dumating pa sabuhay ko sa loob ng 3 pang taon na nalalabi sa akin sa kursong ito
ewan ko ba....
ewan ko ba....
Thursday, February 17, 2005
my ugly duckling feeling
sa totoo lang i was raised by my environment believing that i am the ugliest person sa aming clan. ewan ko ba. pango daw ilong ko, mataba, maitim at kulot ang buhok ko. in short panget daw ako.
i can say i am not stunningly beautiful. i was probably having siesta when God showered his earthly gifts of beauty and charm. Though i'm not beautiful, i cannot and will not admit that i am ugly. i am just me. haay, did i actually make sense. ewan
My feelings of insecurity on my physical appearance grew at its peak when i was in high school. Though there were guys who were interested on me, i still didn't have any confidence on how i look. During those times, i never believe anyone would actually like me because UGLY nga daw ako. Maybe that is the explanation why my behavior in HS days were a little boyish and indifferent. I will wear baggy pants and big shirts. My favorite colors were black, white, dark blue...etc I also listen to some alternative music which i felt embodies my feelings of anger and insecurities.
During my college years, i regain a little confidence and started to try experimenting on the way i look. ika nga nila, i am a late bloomer. Ewan ko ren ba kung papaano ko napaniwala at na brain wash ang aking sarili na hindi nga ako panget. Basta na feel ko na lang na wala namang dapat ipag mukmok. So i started wearing skirt, wearing "girly" sandals...etc
bakit nga ba naisip uli ang ugly duckling syndrome? ala kc naisip ko, ngayon un attached ako ito ba ay resulta ng pagiging ugly duckling ko... o nasobrahan naman akong ng pagiging defensive at natatakot na sa akin ang mga potential partners to be.
ewan. si dy kc eh...napaisip tuloy ako.
basta sa ngayon, ok ako. I don't hate being single though i still prefer having a partner. Basta alam ko darating yun o dili naman kaya gagawa ako ng paraan para dumating iyon. Basta all i know is that when that time comes, everything around me would conspire to make things happen. Something inside me will push me to make things happen.And maybe i would just be accidentally victimized by Romance hehehe....baduy.
haaay life...love...med skul....
i can say i am not stunningly beautiful. i was probably having siesta when God showered his earthly gifts of beauty and charm. Though i'm not beautiful, i cannot and will not admit that i am ugly. i am just me. haay, did i actually make sense. ewan
My feelings of insecurity on my physical appearance grew at its peak when i was in high school. Though there were guys who were interested on me, i still didn't have any confidence on how i look. During those times, i never believe anyone would actually like me because UGLY nga daw ako. Maybe that is the explanation why my behavior in HS days were a little boyish and indifferent. I will wear baggy pants and big shirts. My favorite colors were black, white, dark blue...etc I also listen to some alternative music which i felt embodies my feelings of anger and insecurities.
During my college years, i regain a little confidence and started to try experimenting on the way i look. ika nga nila, i am a late bloomer. Ewan ko ren ba kung papaano ko napaniwala at na brain wash ang aking sarili na hindi nga ako panget. Basta na feel ko na lang na wala namang dapat ipag mukmok. So i started wearing skirt, wearing "girly" sandals...etc
bakit nga ba naisip uli ang ugly duckling syndrome? ala kc naisip ko, ngayon un attached ako ito ba ay resulta ng pagiging ugly duckling ko... o nasobrahan naman akong ng pagiging defensive at natatakot na sa akin ang mga potential partners to be.
ewan. si dy kc eh...napaisip tuloy ako.
basta sa ngayon, ok ako. I don't hate being single though i still prefer having a partner. Basta alam ko darating yun o dili naman kaya gagawa ako ng paraan para dumating iyon. Basta all i know is that when that time comes, everything around me would conspire to make things happen. Something inside me will push me to make things happen.And maybe i would just be accidentally victimized by Romance hehehe....baduy.
haaay life...love...med skul....
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
next please!
Yesterday, I was surrounded by happy couples, girls with flowers or guys with flowers intended for someone special. The world seem to favor the "coulpes", and yet i feel no insecurity being single.
Funny. Last month I was at verge of panicking after finding out that in our kada(HS), I am the only qualified member for the NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth) group. I was even questioning myself, if something something is wrong about me, on how look and interact with the opposite sex. I was in a middle of depression and desperateness.
And yesterday, to my surprise there was no bitterness inside nor envy. But a pleasant feeling of contentment.
Maybe yesterday was just a product of one my psychological bullshit that i created to suppress whatever it is that is within me. Or maybe i just run out of emotions relating to my singlehood experience.
I feel no rush in entering relationships that i know nothing about.
all i know right now is that the need for the complementary partner is still there. The only difference is that i now realize that i still have my lifetiem to wait for him to come or i still have lifetime to prepare for one great strategy to capture whoever he maybe.
I am willing wait but also willing to fight for that one great love.
Funny. Last month I was at verge of panicking after finding out that in our kada(HS), I am the only qualified member for the NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth) group. I was even questioning myself, if something something is wrong about me, on how look and interact with the opposite sex. I was in a middle of depression and desperateness.
And yesterday, to my surprise there was no bitterness inside nor envy. But a pleasant feeling of contentment.
Maybe yesterday was just a product of one my psychological bullshit that i created to suppress whatever it is that is within me. Or maybe i just run out of emotions relating to my singlehood experience.
I feel no rush in entering relationships that i know nothing about.
all i know right now is that the need for the complementary partner is still there. The only difference is that i now realize that i still have my lifetiem to wait for him to come or i still have lifetime to prepare for one great strategy to capture whoever he maybe.
I am willing wait but also willing to fight for that one great love.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
sa pagtalikod mo
sa lahat ng ayoko na gagawen sa akin ng isang tao eh ang tatalikuran ako habang kinakausap ko siya.
"i'm actually having a bad day." may isang taong sumusubok ng aking pasensya. ngayon ko talaga napapatunayan na mahirap maging isang mabait na tao sa paligid ng mga taong mapang abuso.
minsan na nangyari sa buhay ko ang nangyari kanina. parang naulit na may ipinapahiwatig. hindi ko alm kung ako na ba ang may problema. o talagang kailangan ko lang lawakan ang aking kaisipan ng kahit kaunti pa.
sa palagay ko ako ay isang taong may buong dedikasyon sa mga ginagawa. gusto kong papaniwalain ang sarili ko na isa nga ako sa mga tinatawag na "goal oriented persons". kaya nga minsan may mga tao akong nakakabangga ng dahil sa pag kakaiba namen ng "work etiquettes".
isa akong tao na naniniwala na ang lahat ng bagay o problema ay madadaan sa isang malinaw at maayos na usapan. kaya naman sobrang na aasar talaga ako sa ginawa niya kanina.
"i guess the act would have been justifiable if i ask her those things in a demanding tone. i think it would have been right for anyone to do that to me, if i have been so bossy in reminding her the tasks she needs to accomplish."
ang pag talikod ay isang signos ng kahinaan. para sa akin isa siya sa mga taong kilala kong mahina. hindi ko alam kung dapat ko siyang kaasaran o kaawaan dahil sa babaw ng kanyang pagkatao.
sabe ng mga kaibigan kong iba, intindihin ko na lang daw siya. ako daw ang mas nakaka unawa. pero sa palagay may mga pagkakataong hindi lang pang-unawa ang kailangan. dahil walng saysay ang pang-unawa kung hindi nalalaman ng tao may sala (ang taong talikod) na mali nga ang ginawa niya.
"having a bad day is not a reason enough for you to causeothers to have a bad day also"
ang goal ko ngayong araw na ito ay ma ipa "realize" sa talikod na tao, na hindi ko gusto ang ginawa niya. mapa-isip sa kanya na may mas maganadang paraan para mapaintindi niya sa akin ang nasa isip niya
sa ngayon burado siya sa mga taong gusto kong makasama.
kakasimba ko lang kanina, ash wednesday pa ngayon. sa palagay ko isang malaking hamon sa akin ng diyos ang araw na ito at ang talikod na tao.
may natitira pang walong oras at tatlumpong minuto bago matapos ang araw na ito. at sa lahat ng pagkakataon iyon alam kong makakasama ko ang talikod na tao. sana lang po marunong akong magtimpi, para makaiwas sa mas malaking gulo...
sana lang...
"i'm actually having a bad day." may isang taong sumusubok ng aking pasensya. ngayon ko talaga napapatunayan na mahirap maging isang mabait na tao sa paligid ng mga taong mapang abuso.
minsan na nangyari sa buhay ko ang nangyari kanina. parang naulit na may ipinapahiwatig. hindi ko alm kung ako na ba ang may problema. o talagang kailangan ko lang lawakan ang aking kaisipan ng kahit kaunti pa.
sa palagay ko ako ay isang taong may buong dedikasyon sa mga ginagawa. gusto kong papaniwalain ang sarili ko na isa nga ako sa mga tinatawag na "goal oriented persons". kaya nga minsan may mga tao akong nakakabangga ng dahil sa pag kakaiba namen ng "work etiquettes".
isa akong tao na naniniwala na ang lahat ng bagay o problema ay madadaan sa isang malinaw at maayos na usapan. kaya naman sobrang na aasar talaga ako sa ginawa niya kanina.
"i guess the act would have been justifiable if i ask her those things in a demanding tone. i think it would have been right for anyone to do that to me, if i have been so bossy in reminding her the tasks she needs to accomplish."
ang pag talikod ay isang signos ng kahinaan. para sa akin isa siya sa mga taong kilala kong mahina. hindi ko alam kung dapat ko siyang kaasaran o kaawaan dahil sa babaw ng kanyang pagkatao.
sabe ng mga kaibigan kong iba, intindihin ko na lang daw siya. ako daw ang mas nakaka unawa. pero sa palagay may mga pagkakataong hindi lang pang-unawa ang kailangan. dahil walng saysay ang pang-unawa kung hindi nalalaman ng tao may sala (ang taong talikod) na mali nga ang ginawa niya.
"having a bad day is not a reason enough for you to causeothers to have a bad day also"
ang goal ko ngayong araw na ito ay ma ipa "realize" sa talikod na tao, na hindi ko gusto ang ginawa niya. mapa-isip sa kanya na may mas maganadang paraan para mapaintindi niya sa akin ang nasa isip niya
sa ngayon burado siya sa mga taong gusto kong makasama.
kakasimba ko lang kanina, ash wednesday pa ngayon. sa palagay ko isang malaking hamon sa akin ng diyos ang araw na ito at ang talikod na tao.
may natitira pang walong oras at tatlumpong minuto bago matapos ang araw na ito. at sa lahat ng pagkakataon iyon alam kong makakasama ko ang talikod na tao. sana lang po marunong akong magtimpi, para makaiwas sa mas malaking gulo...
sana lang...
Friday, February 04, 2005
pambasag katahimikan
well, its been a long time. antagal ren naman ng huli kong post. nakalimutan ko kc yung password ko dito.
marame nangyari sa buhay ko nitong mga nakaraang buwan, kaya medyo parang sayang kase marami na san ako naisulat.
gusto ko lang sabihen ngayon...
masaya ako dahel malapet na magbakasyon. masaya ako dahel malapet na ang UP fair. At balak kong makigulo sa UP-D para kumain ng isaw at makinig sa mga banda na may magagandang tugtugin...
salamat!
marame nangyari sa buhay ko nitong mga nakaraang buwan, kaya medyo parang sayang kase marami na san ako naisulat.
gusto ko lang sabihen ngayon...
masaya ako dahel malapet na magbakasyon. masaya ako dahel malapet na ang UP fair. At balak kong makigulo sa UP-D para kumain ng isaw at makinig sa mga banda na may magagandang tugtugin...
salamat!
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