hard habit to break

your my hard habit to break.

i am so used to this kind of situation with you. i am so used to us.
and i dont know if i am tired. but my emotions right now, are speechless.

nothing much to say. tired. scared. mixed emotions with nothing much to offer.

well, llis told me that i saw this comming. i was stubborn. or hopeful.

i dont know. yeah i am stubborn.

from 1 -10, i put you as my seven. yeah just seven. yet ask why i am still here.

i am hopeful. but emotionally exhausted. really emotionally exhausted.

maybe you rate me as a 7 too. that's why ur treating me like this.

i know you've changed. and so many things tells me you've changed.

but yet, a big part of me tells me to back out. run away.

for you can suddenly changed your mind and leave me in the middle of somewhere. that i can't wait to happen.

this is an unfamiliar territory. this things, i know nothing much. my knowledge in psychology fails me here.

i am still praying that we can fix the "us" part. but prayers are not helpful, if each of us is uncooperative.

ron told me, i dont have to decide now. not soon. he told me to enjoy what's left and try to nurture it.

i will delay the decision making for now. well, i am not the only one to decide. you, too, have to decide

there are many better things to think about. i dont need to waste my neurons for something like this.

i am still here. i still put you as my seven.

but i hope you can help me changed my mind.

nothing much to do

i don't exactly know what i will do next with my life.

i am 26. i have doctorate degree. i just graduated. i just have six wonderful digits after my name. and i dont have any idea of what i will do next with my life.

well i have set goals like everyone. this year i plan to rest. not to work in a big hospital. just do some doctor stuff in seting where there will be a little less number paients than what i had when i was an intern.

basically i will yet start to realize the life of an adult.

i am scared.

natatakot ako magsimula ulit. to start introducing myself to everyone. to start establishing my name. hinde ko alam yung ibang tao parang tuwang tuwa makakapagsimula sila.

ako. syempre masaya ako. pero na overcome ako ng takot. naduduwag akong maging mag-isa.

magulo yung utak ko. halata sa mga sinusulat ko.

bahala na bukas. i'll take everything one day at a time.

today i plan to finish my resume
tomorow i will call 2 hospitals and ask for their requirements. this will be my job hunting week. hopefully it will give me positive vibe...